i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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