we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
