my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
