Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
