dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize