the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
