One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ttyl tear gas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
