ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
