I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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