This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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