guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
