I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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