didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
