Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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