problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
