So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
