but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
