I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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