How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"