I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.