i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.