I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.