I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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