Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
