I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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