Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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