Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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