Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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