i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
