marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
