the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
