the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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