I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
