I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you had me at cake vodka
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
