shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
