Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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