I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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