i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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