im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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