ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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