And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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