A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
