mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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