I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
