Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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