i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
