I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize