Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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