she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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