Kiss
Puke
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have started to decorate penises.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
