she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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