he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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