Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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