There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
