her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
