ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
