Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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