i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
