you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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