I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
