he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
