Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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