Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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