and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
