Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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