I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
